what has 5 letters,can take you far,and noone can take it away?

Faith........ I personally live off of this more than I used to. Not since I got sick, since I got pregnant. I strongly feel that if you have faith in whatever you choose then it will get you far. Noone can take it away from you, you can achieve a lot if you just believe,and its rewarding when you give it all up and rely on faith and it proves to be a better way than doing it on your own. I have to rely on this to get me through the hard days,the pain,the stress,the emotional rollercoaster I'm on.. I have to rely on this to be strong for my family to know they shouldn't worry either. To be Aiden's teacher and teach him that his life depends on how he grabs it ans runs with it and that faith and trust in God will get him far helps me to build my trust stronger. I have a little man looking up to me. What makes your faith and trust stronger?

yay, two scars on my back now...:(

So I have pretty much caught you all up to present day now. On April 5th at 630am I went in for my second kidney biopsy. This time sadly I was not happy go lucky.. I was more a ball of emotions. I went in and just kept praying for an answer. I did the same thing as last time me and Chris went in checked in with the same ladies at front desk. We went to the same day operation and checked In with the same lovely ladies as before. They were shocked to see me back but also delighted bc of how happy and entertaining I was last time. We are at this point like family. They weigh me and I weigh 108lbs which is awesome bc I was 104 before. So that was probably the only good thing so far. They tell me that I am in the exact same room as last time. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad. It's almost like I'm too familiar with this place that's not good but then to feel comfortable with these people and in "my room" sorta makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about. But anyways we do the waiting game...I watch my Fresh Prince re runs and know them all by heart..which sort of makes me realize I may have watched too much tv back then Haha. Chris is on the computer like last time. Mrs Opal comes and checks on me, takes my vitals,ask all the questions, and prays for me. I close my eyes for a bit and wake up to my name being called to take me up. I say my goodbye to Chris as he waits patiently for my return..I say my goodbye's to the ladies and they say are ya soon girl..like its nothing which helps. I get strolled on the bed as if I'm super weak and so ill..I could have just walked and probably would have helped my nerves of being driven slowly to my "pain" the torture room! I get up in the waiting room and watch some tv they had freakin detective stuff on about wives killing and young kids dying. I fell asleep and woke up dreaming about that mess. But the Dr comes, he's a young,handsome, Asian Dr who smiles and puts on his concerned face. Like when you are talking to a child that's not yours about being careful and why its important. It was like a soap opera episode and I am the dying lost god daughter of a rich wealthy family and they want me dead to get their half of the money and I have a Dr who's being concerned and feels I'm in danger. Ok sorry I babble..but he goes over the procedure again and tells me everything and how he is sorry I am back blah blah.. I pretty much could be a Dr for biopsy by now. But he's nice and I ask him do I have the same drs with me this time? He says yes and I for some odd reason start crying not from being scared of the operation..fear of what if I have to be back in a month bc they didn't get enough again. I don't mind going back if they did a test to see if meds helped but to get it done again bc they fail to get enough is wasting everyones time and money. He then tells me that he will see what he can do. We go back and there is that darn bed that I have to lay on and be super still on. There are the machines,the needles, the markers,the drs,the lab coats,the gloves,the stillness of a hospital room that scares many including me shitless..I just breathe and I look at the clock to keep time. It was 935am they mark me with the markers clean my back with alcohol and tell me to breathe and relax. They put on their gear and he says I'm about to give you the numbing medicine. I don't speak. He says breathe in, I do..he says now breathe out and hold..the stinging pain that soon went into my body made tears roll down my face but I was in silence. The stinging, burning, liquid going in me burned my heart that I was in this situation, burned my back,my side,my stomach, and my pelvic area. They hit a nerve and it stung. More tears, more prayer,more looking at the clock to just watch the hands tick. When he gets done with the pain meds I breathe hard and tears start rolling harder and harder. I feel helpless. I don't want to do this anymore. Then I remember the hard part is over. That was the pain now I shouldn't feel anything else...I should rt?! Well they start sticking he needles in and he moves it around and it just hurts and I feel the needle in me I say ouch..and I cry more. He wipes my tears away and tells me I'm doing great. I do the breathing in and out and hold over and over and I'm just clenching my fist and digging my nails in my hand to take pain away, to take the fear away, to just zone out. I look at the clock again its 10am. Are they done yet?! Then they cone in and introduce me to the man in charge of the operation who will be watching over the Asian Dr. Turns out the Asian Dr will complete the whole operation. He wants to be the one to blame if something happens good or bad. I liked that. I felt comfortable in his hands. He tells me are you ready bc we are. Just hang in there and we will get enough I promise. He says breathe in and out and hold shoots the gun and says good job they check that under the microscope and say its perfect. He says no I will take another..Breathe in breathe out hold and shoots again..they check and say Sr this too is another perfect sample. Are we done they ask him. He says Genn if you can handle it can we do it one more time. My faith in this man grew so much just from those simple words of caring and understanding I can't physically or mentally go through this again. I say go ahead I'm ready just shoot he gun now. I felt my faith grew again and my strength was coming back. I felt in control when I really wasn't. They went in for last one..breathe in breathe out and hold POW we got it and its another good one..the excitement of hearing I have three not one good sample and that there will be answers next week made more tears roll down..this time from pure happiness and release of tension. The nurse and Dr came and said I did amazing gave me a head rub as inlaid there exhausted and ready to get the needle out of my back. They pull it out and I felt released..set free..not tied down anymore. I look at the clock its 1045. That was quick,painless,emotional,and very intense. I'm ready to sleep and just go home. I get wheeled back to my room and Chris is waiting to say hi and goodbye he had to be at work. It sucked bc I needed him but had Meredith there to take place. Plus a childhood friends husband was my nurse after the operation. What better way to end this and have to take care of me than a best friends husband and a best friend :)