"over it"

Sorry I haven't been writing as much. I have a lot to say and always say I should write about that..but then I get to my quiet time and would rather zone out than write honestly. But I made a vow to do keep ppl informed about my new life so you all can be more aware of the situations we go through. Lately I have been having a lot of good and bad days. One day its amazing beyond belief the next day its hell on wheels. The flares are diff lately since the steroids. My vision is getting worst and I use the eye drops like prescribed but everything is a blur and I can't even squint to save my life. My memory and concentration is whack now. I make plans and I just forget. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need to.make a note and go buy a new organizer a good one so I don't lose. My joints are starting back to hurting also in my hands and wrist. My knees today were swollen and I feel just uggh...Im in a zoned out world. Im like a teen high for the first time..useless. I don't know why the steroids arent working. I plan on calling new Dr tom and getting an appointment. I will be at a month mark on the steroids in a wk so hopefully somethin is working. It better be..I don't like the way it makes me feel at times. I eat like a maniac now. I mean I can eat!!! I'm noticing the bloating in my stomach and face also. Guess that's why I'm working out a lot also to maintain it. I feel jittery,I feel strung out like I can't slow down and when i do I'm wore out. I'm a slave to this disease man! Haha. But overall I'm hanging In there. My honest thought lately is...I'm over it all..I'm over crying everyday,I'm over having flares,I'm over drs visits I'm over thinking about the future. I'm.trying to enjoy the good days as much as possible but man those bad days make me just say oh f it..