4am defeat and mother natures cruel games

It's 4am again and Im up at it! I just instantly wake up and and have energy. Not a lot of energy but more than during the day. Well I woke up from sleeping in Aidens room he had to hold my hand going to bed ;) moments I will always cherish! I wake up and notice Chris is just going to bed ( yea opposite schedules I tell ya) he kisses and hugs me tight bo says his goodnights and off to bed they go while I turn on family matters and polish my nails. Well try! My hands have been shaking like crazy lately like horribly shaking where i can't do much. I have always polished my nails so when I noticed I was having trouble keeping my hand steady I started to get frustrated a bit. bc its such a simple task and all of a sudden I can't even do that. It took me 2hrs to polish my nails! A simple coat 2 freakin hrs!!!! I couldn't even cry bc I can't produce tears and I wanted to cry so bad. I already had a bad day and I just felt defeated. There is that Damn word again...defeated! I hate feeling that and I'm working on over coming that feeling. Well its rainy and gloomy so mother nature hurts me more the next day! I mean I am flat out on my butt wore out. Flares left ans right body aches,swollen body,sore throat,puffy eyes and face..the whole shabang! Im so loopy that I sleep for 3hrs straight and dont really know what's going on type loopy. I felt drugged! My body was so heavy that I couldn't move. I couldn't see anything my vision just gave out! I was cranky and irritable thank goodness Aiden was not there. Everything annoyed me! I took 4 showers today to calm my body down and to try to wake myself up. I fell in the shower bruised my knee a bit probably something else too I will find out later when it shows up or hurts. The thought if a cane is becoming more and more likely I tell ya..I'm.beyond clumsy when I have a flare or get weak. Oh what a wk this has been for me..well actually month! I'm losing my mind I'm so forgetful I feel yet again lost! I'm just a being in this world standing still while everything moves so fast around me....