no pain,no gain...NOT!!

You know that saying no pain, no gain..well mine is more like no pain and a lot of gain! The month of March was by far the best month I have had in a while. I rarely had any flares. There were one or two mild ones every other week. I don't know if I'm just getting used to them and just know how to cope better or if they just don't hurt as bad. Well this month I went two days with out any flare. Then it was a lot and then none and off and on. But majority of this month I felt alive and my old self again. It was an amazing feeling that most, including myself took for granted. I cherish the days that I feel great. I do everything that I possibly can and love every bit of it. One day I worked my usual 5-130pm got off, cleaned my car,took my son to park,went grocery shopping,came home and cooked dinner,cleaned house,and still felt good. Like I said before many do this everyday but for me its rare now. I usually always have to take a nap and rest my legs and mind. I usually don't cook anymore. Which who know me its quite funny bc I went to school for cooking.I was very proud of myself that day. I was high off life for sure. Well this little positivity that was put my way made me think back to my normal happy positive, go get them attitude. I prayed and prayed and thought to myself and God..I said God, I truly believe in everything happens for reasons. So I feel that I got sick at this time in my life because I and my husband and child could physically and mentally handle it. I feel that it is to teach me how to fight and how my son how to fight even when feeling defeated. To teach me to cherish every single person good or bad in my life bc they have a purpose in my life. To love everyone and tell them constantly how much I appreciate them. To teach Aiden to love unconditionally yourself and the ones in your life and not just a front. I feel it is also to bring me ans my husband, Chris closer and stronger together. The sickness has made me not stress as much about a lot of things. So having this epiphany made me also realize that I should not be. Inter towards the drs that didn't get enough tissue or the fact that I have lupus and kidney failure. I always have done this thing where I take the negative and make a positive. So I said Lord,I feel they didn't get enough tissue bc you wanted my body to heal a little bit longer and in a month when I go back in the test will either be negative for lupus or nothing serious at all. I understand now what you were doing and I give my body that time to heal. So as I "think" and "say" this I believe that I am healed and feeling good. I realized then that my positivity will get me far if I keep it up. But If I believe I'm sick and hurting then heck yeah I'm sick and hurting. So I have no pain bc I gained a better attitude and allowed myself to see that happiness can happen if I just allow it to..sick or not sick. The only pain I have are these medical bills :)