dumb body clock..

Every morning I wake up at 4am to pee and get glass of water. Every morning! Since I am on more meds I believe my heart beats faster and I breathe harder also so I'm more likely to get up bc I'm scared of not waking up. that is probably one of my biggest fears. Is that I didn't say goodbye to everyone or make an impression enough that I can go in peace. I'm ok to die honestly I am..but I at least want everyone to know I'm ok and I adore adore adore them! When my heart beats out of my chest and blocks up like feeling it scares me..well shitless sometimes. When my hands start tingling and turning purple and red the blood pressure rises and I have to try and call myself down..yea it scares me! I wake up at 4 and usually straighten up any mess Chris or Bo made the night before. Put away food and pick up stuffing from Bo's toys or what not. Today I folded clothes Chris left on the couch in the dark. I just can't sit still worth a Damn! There's my problem. Since I don't work anymore I'm suzy homemaker! My mind cannot shut off I was not born to be lazy. I then make my rounds..I go and sneak and just stare down all three boys ( Chris,Aiden and our new pup Bo) yea we got a maltese/shitzu who is beyond amazing! He's aidens best fran ;) my comfort buddy,and Chris's late night owl! So I just go and stare at them, pray over them, cry over them with enjoyment that they are all mine. I just sit and appreciate them for who they are! Its my little moment of silence with them every morning. They are my world and more! I am starting to have more energy at this early am that its quite annoying in the afternoon when I have none! But my body is going through major changes and hopefully for the best..remission!! Well this helped my heart slow down and my head calm down I'm going to try to rest before the real alarm goes off at 630 for the morning meds! Have a great day and remember things could be worst only if you allow it...Xo